I’m seeing about 3:1


This post is the 6th in a series about addiction recovery. If you are not an addict or married to one, then this probably won’t make much sense. To see a list of the entire series from the beginning, go to this page.

In the months since Mandy and I shared our story, we’ve had the opportunity to meet with lots of people who are facing similar, if not identical issues. The struggle with pornography and sexual addictions is rampant in our society, and sadly, the percentages are not that different in our church congregations.

As Mandy and I meet with these couples – sharing our story with them and walking them through the steps to recovery – we’re seeing a ratio of about 3 to 1. There are 3 individuals or couples who either will not or can not do what it takes to walk through recovery for every individual or couple that does.

A lot of men can’t bring themselves to be completely honest with their spouse. They fear rejection. They are ashamed. They can’t face it. And a lot of women just can’t bring themselves to go through it. They think they aren’t strong enough. They feel too betrayed. They don’t think they can ever trust anybody ever again.

But sometimes I get to have a great conversation like I did this past weekend. I talked with a guy who just got his 6 month coin from his 12-step group. This means he has gone 6 full months without any pornography in his life. He told me that this is the longest he has gone without it in years. He also told me that he has never felt closer to his wife, and that the love he feels for her is so strong he could hardly describe it. You could see it on his face. He had gone from shame to grace. He was walking the steps. And he was finding freedom.

I wish I could hear more stories like that. Why couldn’t it be 1:3 instead of 3:1? What could we as individuals and churches do to make that happen?

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One Comment on “I’m seeing about 3:1”

  1. Aubri Says:

    My opinion…

    It’s just hard work to walk through the process together – it’s risky – it’s painful – it’s completely against our culture. We would rather choose to build walls, harden our hearts, and dissolve relationships then “feel.” It keeps it less personal. Same reason a lot of people don’t want to pursue God full-on. It’s too much of a risk…what will He ask us to do? Can we handle it???

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